Dummies have magical powers…. And other motherhood u-turns!!

Like most people (I am sure) I had millions of ideals about what motherhood was like. These were obviously shattered into a million little pieces when the baby arrived.

In no particular order:

1. I was adamant I was never giving my child a dummy. While they look quite sweet in the mouths of babes sucking away peacefully they look grim on a toddler (or older!) and I’ve heard how difficult it can be to get rid of them in older kids as the dummy fairy is usually required to exchange the dummies for a fairly expensive bribe!
– in reality MM likes to suck and usually falls asleep sucking. When I stopped breastfeeding I realised I needed to somehow replace the sucking as when I put him down in his cot ‘drowsy but awake’ he would immediately think it was playtime and therefore rebuking all plans of him going to sleep! The dummy really does have magical powers…. You pop it in, wait a few minutes and suddenly he’s asleep! Only problem is is that he usually spits it out once asleep and then he’ll wake up wondering where it is! This is why we end up co-sleeping as its easier to lean over to put in a fallen dummy than traipse across the hallway and have to get out of bed to put it back in!!

2. Co-sleeping. I felt that this was a bad idea on so many levels…. Firstly there was increased risk in squashing the baby, secondly it felt like it would create too much dependence and thirdly there is a fairly obvious impact to any intimacy with dear old hubby!
– in reality when MM refused to go back to sleep in his own bed at 4 months old and wanted to be held all night it was the only solution to all of us getting any sleep. Also, I don’t even think I move when I’m sleeping next to him and it’s nice to be able to hear him breathing softly next to me. Plus waking up next to his beautiful little face every morning (even if it is 5.30am) makes me smile! I assume at some point he will grow out of this and sleep all night in his own bed (currently he makes it until 1/2am in his own bed!!!)

3. Kids with snotty noses. Gross! Why can’t people just wipe their child’s face?!?!
– in reality babies hate their faces being wiped. Especially their noses! MM turns into a ninja when I try clean his face…. It is literally impossible to get near him. You have to turn it into a game and even then he screams if you do manage to wipe near the nose region. And then even when you do manage to get to it; 10 minutes later it’s snotty again. I’ve learned that some battles are just not worth it!

4. Not giving in to the baby’s every whim; it’s just going to set you up to fail in the long run right?
– in reality…. If it stops the screaming do it!! Do whatever gets you through the day (and night)

#parentingfails

so MM is still not 8 months yet I have already racked up about a million parenting fails… Oops!

1. I feed him to sleep. Still. I have no idea how to reverse this. Putting the baby down ‘drowsy but awake’ is like swearing in my house!
2. We end up co-sleeping at some point in the night. It’s the only way I get any decent sleep. The health visitors need not know.
3. I have dropped my phone on him. On the bright side he wasn’t bothered in the slightest.
4. I started weaning him at 5 months; I thought it would help him sleep. It didn’t!
5. I have given him chips at Nandos. He really liked them.
6. I let him play with the sky remote.
7. I let him watch TV. I *must* remember to get out of this habit before he understands what TV is.
8. H cut his fingers and made them bleed once when cutting his fingernails (thankfully this wasn’t my parenting fail!)
9. I caught his leg once while strapping him into the pram. I genuinely feel awful still about this one although once he’d had a cuddle and was stuck on the boob for a bit I don’t think he remembered.
10. He often wees in the bath and I continue to wash him. It’s sterile!
11. Speaking of sterile I never really sterilised properly. My rationale was he wasn’t bottle fed and put everything in his mouth anyway. Now he’s over 6 months you don’t technically need to so it’s all good!
12. I once drank a gin and tonic in the hope it would filter through and help the baby sleep but it made him wake more. Served me right for trying to be clever!
13. I once drove out my road before realising I hadn’t strapped the car seat in properly. Thankfully I realised!
14. I put a dirty nappy in with the washing by mistake once and didn’t re-wash the clothes…. They seemed clean enough after (and there was nothing of the baby’s!)
15. Sometimes if the baby sicks on himself I don’t bother changing him; I just wipe it off and hope he doesn’t smell of sick
16. Sometimes he only eats yoghurt and banana all day as I can’t be bothered to get him to eat real food if he’s not in the mood. I just tell myself that “food is for fun before one!”
17. I quite often spill/drop food on him if he won’t let me eat a meal without requiring holding. It’s never hot (no idea if parents ever get to eat hot meals) and I don’t think he’s ever noticed!!
18. I once left him in a poo-ey nappy most of the night as I hasn’t realised he’d poo’d!

On the bright side I’ve never left him anywhere so I’m doing better than David Cameron and I haven’t dropped him! I have been reliably informed it gets worse when they are mobile….